At a summit held over the weekend, negotiators brought together Marin’s warring factions in search of solutions to other conflicts that have long divided the county. Here’s the latest on the peace talks:

Cyclist-Driver Détente

Lycra-wearing men and the motorists who occasionally mow them down were able to hammer out a landmark road-sharing framework that will see direct confrontation avoided in favor of “No, you go” passive-aggressivism.

NIMBY-YIMBY De-radicalization

Anti- and pro-housing extremists have committed to a de-radicalization process, with specific benchmarks needing to be met before either group can be removed from terror watchlists.

Old Marin vs. New Marin Nonaggression Pact

Individuals who have lived here a long time have agreed to partial normalization of relations with people who established residency more recently, though peacekeepers continue to recommend limited contact between the two factions.

Hiker-Biker Trail Treaty

The clashing outdoor enthusiasts may be headed for a denouement regarding the county’s most contested singletrack, though hikers are expected to extract significant concessions in return for any two-activity solution.

Jeff and Glenda Cease-Fire

Unrelated to the summit, Jeff Plinder and Glenda Horchenstein, who’ve been at war since 2019 over a drainage issue on the border region between their two properties, settled their dispute this morning when Glenda passed away. Plinder called the resolution a “great outcome for both parties.”