“I want to take a moment to recognize that we are on indigenous land,” began realtor Sarah Birk at an open house on Sunday, “with this secluded parcel in particular likely being coveted even during that pre-Colombian era.” From there, the hits kept coming. “This important heritage,” she explained, “has been observed architecturally by Mattias + Mattias, who respectfully reimagined this space as a turnkey sanctuary offered exclusively through Sotheby’s.”
As Birk’s tapestry unfolded, prospective homebuyers say they were blown away. “None of us thought she was going to be able to land that plane, ” said one, “but in the end it was like a sommelier describing the terroir of a fine wine.” Other well-heeled househunters were equally impressed. “Her shamelessness put everyone at ease, which allowed us all to appreciate the fine needlework on display.”
Birk says she was just doing her job. “Bringing in a backstory can help clients connect with a property," she said, though she added that she's still fine-tuning her spiel. “The bit about the ‘native’ landscaping felt gratuitous even to me.”
REMINDER!
For anyone who has declined to acquire tickets to our upcoming event at Sweetwater, please allow us to gently rub in your face the fact that it is almost sold out. A dwindling number of tickets are still available below, but don't worry if you can't make it as we are likely to add another date in the near future due to (again) completely overwhelming demand.
A Communal Experience of Marin Lately | Sweetwater Music Hall
Join author Patrick Heij for an absurd yet potentially enjoyable evening in Marin’s most important town.™
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