Marin Lately: Alive from Modesto

You might be asking yourself why you are about to read about Modesto in a publication dedicated to the milieu of coastal elites – people who have themselves dedicated their lives to avoiding places like Modesto, and saying things like “milieu.” It is precisely because in the town, indeed the proud nation of Modesto – unexclusive, hardworking, all-in-the-name Modesto – we find not only just the perfect counterpoint to Marin, but a very potent anti-Marin. Close examination is critical if we are serious about finding a cure.

Before we go on, we want to assure everyone that we are okay. We went to Modesto on our own volition, and were not harmed during our time there. In fact, we have returned tan and happy from three days of camping on the Tuolumne River in an undisclosed location that is, to be fair, some distance physically and psychologically from Modesto proper. This being spring break, of course, the rest of Marin was probably poolside in Zihuatanejo. Eating conch fritters in the Seychelles. Well: you zig, we zag. We were en plein aire (just outside of) Modesto.

We are suddenly realizing that we have, in an unprecedented third paragraph about Modesto, now produced more text about this legendary watermelon distribution hub than anyone in history. But we saw something special in Modesto, and it wasn’t just a man with face tattoos riding a child’s bike towards a freeway on-ramp. It was a Sizzler – a business which publicly and permanently closed its doors decades ago – running at full tilt*. A swap meet of such unfathomable size that, like Borges map, it upcycled every product ever made. Here's everything you've been running from, says Modesto. Here's everything you've been missing.

*We’re being told the Sizzler is actually in Manteca, which matters not one bit; thus conclude The Modesto Papers.

IMPORTANT

It is time for another Ask Marin Lately – a feature we wish we had a more clever name for. But we want your questions, topical (good) or not (less good but still fine) about any of the 2-3 issues facing Marin County. Please email patrick@marinlately.com for submissions.

ALSO

We love when you send in news stories and other local goings-on for us to discuss, but until now haven't had a proper home for them. Now, with Marin Literally, we do. So please keep us in mind as you stumble upon those Marin Lately-esque occurrences in the wild. Please email patrick@marinlately.com for submissions.