Mother Nature Actually Kind of a Bitch
Marin reevaluating relationship with woman after messy weekend
Marin residents are waking up not only to flooded homes and destroyed businesses, but the fact that Mother Nature is kind of a bitch, now that they think about it. Especially given that her recent outburst targeted some of her biggest fans. “Huge slap in the face,” said Gwen Trifferts, of Larkspur. “After everything we’ve done for her? Dickhead.”
Marin may have been compartmentalizing the woman’s long history of troubling behavior, simply because they are usually spared the worst of it. “It’s embarrassing to admit, but when you see her decimate some other region,” said flood victim Tom Fernaldo, “you justify it – ‘they’re litterbugs,’ or what have you.” Fernaldo says he now looks back on Mother Nature’s doting treatment of Marin County as a form of grooming. “That’s how she gets us to do her bidding.”
Asked for comment, Ms. Nature confirmed that Marin has, at least until now, enjoyed a kind of special relationship. “I have to spread this stuff around, and Marin was long overdue,” she said, pointing out that tidal flooding is the mildest form of natural disaster in her rotation, and the fact that people were “literally kayaking” on it. As for the residents who had such choice words for her this weekend? “I’ll be nice and say ‘wussies.’”
Keep in mind that "Mother Nature" is actually a shortened version of "Motherf***ing Nature."
You are SO in trouble, referring to her as "the woman" in your write-up. She likes being called a "bitch" because you recognized her power. But putting her in the "woman" category? Now She'll just bide her time, acting like nothing's wrong, being all nice, and then BOOM. When you least expect it. I suggest you mollify Her by pulling together all the Earth-worshipping folks you can reach and filling up the Mountain Theater at midnight on the next new moon (although it's only 4000 seats and that may not be enough). Then, in the dark, chant your hearts out to Gaia.