Researchers Discover Promising Treatment for Southern Marin Entitlement Syndrome
Not a cure, team says, but may help manage condition
Thousands of people suffer from Southern Marin Entitlement Syndrome, a devastating disorder that can affect the way people speak, drive and walk. “We’ve seen cases in Mill Valley where people look demanding even when fast asleep,” said Dr. Finn Kirchmark, a clinical behaviorist familiar with the symptomatology. “Troublingly, patients with full-blown SMES often go untreated,” he continued. “Simply because they are so difficult to interact with.”
Now, a research team from College of Marin believes they have discovered an effective treatment. The novel approach involves secretly recording afflicted individuals going about their daily activities, then physically forcing them to watch the footage. “I want to make it clear that this is not a cure,” said the director of the study. “But the trials have been very promising, with pomposity and other associated pathologies going into full remission after just a few days lashed to a chair with their eyeballs pried open Clockwork Orange-style.”
The news was cause for celebration throughout a region where it’s hard to find a single person who hasn’t been impacted by the ailment. “This is a major breakthrough,” said Tamara Frind, whose job at a dry-cleaner in Tiburon puts her in frequent contact with SMES patients. Frind, who hails from Novato, says entitlement syndromes are all but unheard of in her community. “We’re still trying to stamp out rickets,” she explained.
I believe this is similar to work conducted in Pacific and Presidio Heights several years ago. Like typical syndromic afflictions, subjects often present with a constellation of annoying symptoms--from moderate self-absorption and grandiosity--to toxic obsessions about where and how one spent their summers; and what educational institutions their children are both from and applying to. Frequent comorbidities complicate diagnosis so a ranking system was devised, otherwise known as the DOUCHE scale, to assess the extent of the affliction. As noted, there are no known cures, though ivermectin, hydroxichloroquine and methylene blue have been suggested as therapies by the HHS department.
As a Los Angeles resident I can attest this insidious disease rages unchecked throughout Calabasas and severely impacts most cellphone users with the “310” area code.