Marin Lately was recently quoted in a regional East Coast news source about our tall and successful son moving home from Sacramento. We used this platform to raise awareness of how incredible America would be if it was more closely aligned with the Marin lifestyle.
Imagine, if you will: the first president in history to hang a road bike in the Oval Office, greeting foreign dignitaries with no sunburn after an SPF-protected weekend at Stinson.
“We are prepared to sign this bilateral trade agreement if the U.S. is willing to offer concessions,” some dreary German minister will say.
“Oh my god, you have to try these strawberries,” our president will reply, bringing out his market haul as he bops around to some secret internal music. “They’re from Black Rabbit Farms. Insane.” Beguiled by this statecraft, the teutonic emissaries capitulate; they send us all of their electric Porsches in exchange for a few measly gigatons of glyphosate-tainted soybeans.
All conflicts we’re involved in, of course, would end immediately, with this newly Marin-led republic preferring to leave nasty little notes on other countries’ cars. The economy will lag a bit as people stop working entirely, but with the national discourse now revolving around bike path etiquette and which grocery store is closing, the citizens of the Affluent Enclaves of America will finally be able to come together as one to (feel free to sing along at home) deny any and all permits until further environmental studies can be conducted.
IN OTHER NEWS
A man was convicted in the 1996 murder of Tupac Shakur, the rapper who not only spent his formative years in the county but was perhaps the prototypical Marin resident. Marin IJ
A new book about what local author David Perlis calls the “Marinaissance” documents the county’s 1970’s-era, which created the reputation Marin is still coasting on today. Send it to someone who called you out on Nextdoor for gardening naked. KQED
Lastly, we just want to give a shout-out to all of the locals who are celebrating turning 65 with these festive car decorations.
Becoming a Marin senior is indeed a major milestone, and we will be honking our horns to support you at this exciting time in your life!
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