Marin Resident Still Mainlining Blu-nami Coverage
Paramedics found Patricia Finkle in a state of acute liberalysis yesterday after the Sausalito resident binged CNN's MAGApocalypse for ten days straight. "By the time we got to her she was speaking directly to Anderson Cooper, demanding historical background on the Mississippi flip," said one first responder. The crew attempted to turn the television off, but were forced to retreat after an enraged Finkle began to read articles of impeachment against them.
IPO Money May Overwhelm Marin’s Entitlement Threshold
Experts say that even a region that specializes in absorbing privilege may have trouble accommodating the sheer amount of pricks expected to come over the bridge from San Francisco over the next few months. "The money itself isn't the problem, as our current system is designed to accept accumulations of any size," said the county's comptroller. "But we're talking about hundreds of new assholes arriving at once, in an area that is struggling to deal with the ones it already has."
County to Address Inequality Concerns with Public Poetry Initiative
Amid recent news that Marin now has the worst income inequality rating in the entire state, local officials are taking action. "Inspired by the Dutch city of Rotterdam, we’re going to decorate our waste management fleet with verses from legendary bards," said county spokesperson Marsha Henson. Asked how the initiative would address the economic disparity, Henson was clear. "We heard about this idea on NPR," she added. "Did you know that Europeans call garbage trucks 'bin lorries?'"
