Editor’s note:

We are now offering coverage of San Francisco, the city where you once lived when you were younger and more relevant. We hope you enjoy these articles yourself, and share them with anyone in the city who still talks to you.


Beloved Fentanyl Cartel Denied Vending License by S.F. Planning Department
One of the most popular opioid suppliers in the local drug-trafficking scene just had its hopes crushed by a San Francisco bureaucrat who denied its request for a simple street-vending license. “There is no path forward for this operator,” said Ezra Borman, one of the planning department’s most feared adjutants. “Not only are there numerous
San Francisco Celebrates 225 Years of Draftiness
In 1850, San Francisco made a solemn commitment to its citizens. “All Infrastructure in this Great City, whether it be a Residence, Schoolhouse or Saloon, shall be noticeably drafty; let no San Franciscan ever be fully warm.”
Daniel Lurie Begins Entering Private Homes in Search of Instagram Content
“Excuse me – do you live here in the great city of San Francisco?”